I feel so bad I’m not sure who to punch in the face. Right now I think I’d punch myself in the face. It may knock more snot out of my sinuses and relieve some pressure. (Sidenote: You need to listen for Beck’s new single ”I just started hating some people today.” It’s from his recent teaming up with Jack Black. One of the lyrics states “And I just started wanting to punch your face.” Very topical for my allergy/sinus/disgust.)
I’ve gone through at least one box of tissues since Sunday. That’s when this bull started. I took a Benadryl and fell asleep before I could watch Mad Men. So, Monday I was disappointed and completely in a haze. This, however, did not slow the roll of my snot. I believe I’m currently on tissue number 597. My nose is raw. I look ridiculous on top of it all. I may have to reintroduce “the sick bowl.”
This week is our sales meeting (aka: Everybody in my department is in town and wants to party). Sadly, I do not feel like partying. The only party I want to attend is in my dreams where I can breathe normally and people don’t stop and ask, “Are you okay?!” I received many suggestions to drink certain things – mostly alcohol and Red Bull. Nothing with vitamins has been encouraged. Multiple people have offered me medications. I take all my drugs this way. Just hand it to me. I’ll take it with the recommended Jagermeister. I’ve taken some people up on what they’ve give me. Do I know what it is? Not really. Then, I received lots of different food suggestions from spicy to soup. I’ll pass on the spicy as I don’t want IBS on top of this. My new catch phrase around the office, “Shove it in your face.” This was created because people keep telling me to shove different things in my face. I think it has a 40% rate of catching on.
I became so desperate that I had Smoothie King for breakfast. I wanted Chick-Fil-A and a gallon of Starbucks but the Starbucks by our office was closed. I’m assuming for renovations as there were people with tools and a “work truck” in the drive-thru. Sons of bitches. I almost ran them over for a Skinny Caramel Macchiato. Instead I just shouted “Shove it in your face!”
Last night was a big work get together but I couldn’t do it. I felt too shitagious and I have meetings all day today that I need to be cognitive for. However, I’m a tad disappointed as it was on the farm that Miley Cyrus shot some movie on. I was hoping I could find some of her left over drugs there. My only shiny thought is hoping that I may be loosing water weight. I mean this snot is coming from somewhere.
