I know I’m a little late on this parade. I was busy making cookies during Sunday’s airing. (Seriously) So, I watched last night. It’s been awhile since I’ve done a recap and these things take forever.
The MTV Music Awards had some weird and overall MTV Video Music Award moments. Let’s start with GaGa.
I like a costume change. I didn’t get the smeared make up but she doesn’t care. She probably doesn’t want me to get it. I’m thankful that the clothes were frankly tame. Yes, she looked like Ariel from a porno version of The Little Mermaid but I’ll take it.
Then, we had Taylor mouthing “Shut the F Up” while One Direction presented. Look at her go. I thought I had made it up in my mind to happily see
everyone some people on The Internet confirm it.
Miley Cyrus got all hyped up on X and Adderall to fling her tongue around and sexually assault a foam finger. (Thankfully no bread was wasted this time.) She rubbed herself on Robin Thicke while trying to sing along. Robin Thicke is sexy. His wife is sexy. Miley Cyrus was not sexy.
We’re gonna have to send her to Promises aren’t we?
Daft Punk just presented. They were taken from Colbert to stand next to Pharrell? Boo. They were decked out in their “Get Lucky” video garb but they were silent.
Justin Timberlake did his thang. The Mister even said he’d go see him live after his VMA show down. However, none of this was performed which was a shame. You can see my girl JBK and I at his concert in 2007 here. Man…2007…We’ve all grown up and gotten married. Bless it.
*NSYNC did come out and I was transported to high school. I liked watching Lance. I always knew I liked that kid. I knew this was a lot to ask but I really wanted them to bust out of the doll boxes like in their video “It’s Gonna Be Me.” Still, I’ll take what I can get. My mother gave me my Britney Spears single of “Baby One More Time” and the Backstreet Boys CD this past weekend. Sadly, no *NSYNC was found in whatever drawer she cleaned out. (I did listen to Britney’s single but Backstreet Boys are still in the case on my floorboard.)
Vampire Weekend didn’t perform but they presented and were perfectly awkward. Then, One Direction won “Song of the Summer.” Vampire Weekend just stood in the back with their arms crossed and whispered to each other a bit.
Immediately following was an intro by Jason Collins and ASAP Rocky (I didn’t know who he was and had to look him up). ASAP Rocky seemed a tad uncomfortable talking about homosexuality. They introduced Macklemore and Ryan Lewis’ “I Can’t Change” featuring Mary Lambert. I like this song and am not uncomfortable with homosexuality. I was singing along with Mary and then JHUD came out and was like “Sha-la-la…I have an amazing voice and cute, new short hair.” I stopped singing.
Adam Lambert cut down on his eyeliner and came out with a lady with similar hair to present the “Artist to Watch” award. Some kid that looked 13 beat out Iggy Azalea.
I need you to know that the original photo came from a website named “Adamtopia.” See it here.
Drake performed and he’s sexy too. I’d have no objections to him twerking on Robin Thicke instead of Miley.
Bruno Mars won a Moon Man and performed “Gorilla.” I like to sing this song as a fake duet in my car. (I have pretty detailed car karaoke sessions sometimes.) I imagine Bruno and I would not take this song seriously in our introduction but he seemed pretty serious at the awards. He’s a great performer and I’ll have to stick with my routine. I can’t sing a song about “making love like gorillas” seriously.
Allison Williams introduced Katy Perry in a dress that would be cute to get married in at the courthouse. Allison is a cute girl. She’d make courthouse weddings popular. Katy Perry then showed off her jump rope skills and dressed like a wrestler. Not a cheeky, sparkly wrestler – a wrestler with a uniboob sports bra and long shorts.
She’s still wicked pretty and there were gorgeous shots of her under the Brooklyn Bridge. I was prepared for what I consider the usual Katy Perry. So, her being dressed casually with Zumba-like dance moves took me by surprise.
Do you get GaGa’s makeup? Do you want *NSYNC to have a reunion tour even though you know it’s not gonna happen? Did you wonder where Katy Perry’s whipped cream can brazier was? Are you keeping your daughters away from Miley Cyrus? You should. You better.